1.  You can use facts and quotes that other news organizations have published, as long as you give them credit.  But you can’t copy word for word what other organizations have written in their own stories, and use that as part of your story.  One student (incorrectly) used the AP as an “analyst” for her own story:

The Associated Press reported this week, “Coming during a U.S. election campaign where both presidential candidates are keen to show they are tough on China, the announcement could be timed to demonstrate the Obama administration is sticking up for self-governing Taiwan, an island China claims as part of its territory.”

2.  Use of quotes.  It’s important to let the reader know who’s talking.  Writers cause confusion in two ways:

a.  Writing several lines of quotes before adding the attribution.

Bad: “This is not the United States engaging in any clever seduction. If a big, local power is becoming more powerful and more aggressive, other countries in the region get nervous…Having a big friend who has power protection capabilities, but not a whole lot of vocal territorial ambitions, is a good thing to have,” said Michael E. Brown, Dean of George Washington University’s Elliot School of International Affairs.

After a line or so, the reader will be wondering, “Who said this?” instead of concentrating on the quote itself.  Add the attribution early on, usually after the first sentence, so the speaker is clear and the reader can concentrate on the story.   

Correct: “This is not the United States engaging in any clever seduction,” said Michael E. Brown, dean of George Washington University’s Elliot School of International Affairs.  “If a big, local power is becoming more powerful and more aggressive, other countries in the region get nervous…Having a big friend who has power protection capabilities, but not a whole lot of vocal territorial ambitions, is a good thing to have.”

b.  Ending a paragraph with a quote from one person, and then starting the next graf with a quote from a different person.

“Although the new store doesn’t sell iPhone 5, I still came from Shenzhen last night at around 10 p.m. to queue in order to get the Festival Walk Apple T-shirt,” said a man who refused to give his name.

“I queued a whole night last year when the IFC Apple Store opened. But this year my wife said no, so I could only come this morning,” said Wing Liu, a crazy Apple fan wearing an IFC Apple T-shirt, which is red and with the Apple logo on it.

“Each customer can get only one t-shirt at the entrance of the store, but since the amount of t-shirts is very limited, not everyone can get it,” said Ryan Lung, a Festival Walk Apple staff.

The reader finishes one quote and goes on to the next thinking the same person is talking…only to be surprised and confused when a new attribution suddenly appears.  Introduce the new speaker between the quotes to avoid confusion. 

4.  There have been lots of mistakes with singular and plural nouns, a common problem of native Chinese speakers writing in English.

 ”At around nine, the Apple store staffs came…”       

A “staff” is a group of people working for the same organization.  An individual is a “staff member,” or “an employee.”   Similarly, an “audience” is a group of people reading or watching the same item.  An individual is a “member of the audience.”

“There are some people causing mischiefs in the world, even killing that (American) ambassador…

“Islam totally doesn’t allow violence,” he said, referring to the recent bloodsheds over the video.

Many general concepts, such as “mischief,” “bloodshed” and “research,” do not take plurals in most circumstances. 

5.  Keep yourself out of your stories unless there’s a very good reason for you to be there.

 Lin Jiaming, a 23-year-old college student studying in Shenzhen, told me he traveled to Hong Kong a day before…

There’s no good reason for the reporter to be in this story.

6.  Avoid jargon.  Translate into English for your readers.

Both countries were doing a good job of “buying time” until they can agree on common resource extraction vehicles to share the dividends, he said.

 7.  Choose each word carefully.

Thursday’s memorial service is the first of three days of mourning for the 38 victims of Hong Kong’s worst boat accident in 40 years.

There were about 100 injured people, and they, too, were victims of the accident.  It should read “…mourning for the 38 people killed…” 

Some customers left the store immediately after receiving their T-shirt, not even bothering to browse.

People who only browse and accept free gifts are not “customers.” 

   8.  Use correct terminology.

Wrong: The government observed the three-minutes of silence at its headquarters in Admiralty at noon with flags flying at half-mast.

Correct: The government observed the three-minutes of silence at its headquarters in Admiralty at noon with flags flying at half-staff.

Flags on ships, which traditionally had masts, fly at half-mast.  Flags on land fly at half-staff.  It’s a very common mistake, even among respectable news organizations, but common doesn’t make it right. 

   9.  Another common mistake: leaving out the second comma in a descriptive phrase.

Bad: Leung Ka-wai, a local office worker and an Apple fan criticized mainland customers…

Because of a missing comma, this sentence appears to say that three separate people – (1) Leung Ka-wai, (2) a local office worker and (3) an Apple fan – all criticized mainland customers.

Correct:  Leung Ka-wai, a local office worker and an Apple fan, criticized mainland customers…

Adding that second comma after the word “fan” makes it clear that only Leung was doing the criticizing.  Descriptive phrases like this, “a local officer worker and an Apple fan,” must be set off from the rest of the sentence by a comma on both sides of the phrase.  Think of those commas as handles, with which you can lift the entire phrase out without changing the meaning of the sentence – if you have a handle on both sides of the phrase.  

GETTING IT RIGHT

A list of some errors made this week, and how they should be fixed

     1.  Write carefully.  Think about what you’re writing.  Get the facts right!  A simple choice of the wrong word can result in a serious mistake. 

“The Chinese government has boosted its military presence in Tibetan regions to guard against unrest during today’s 50^th anniversary of Tibetan Uprising Day…”

It was the 50^th anniversary of “the start of the 1959 revolt.”  “Tibetan Uprising Day” is merely the name given later to the anniversary.

“What began as an effort by thousands of Tibetans to protect the Dalai Lama against a rumored Chinese military abduction plot eventually ended in defeat, and his forced exile to India.”

He fled into exile by choice, to avoid arrest and perhaps worse.  The Chinese did not send him into exile.  He was under duress, but “forced exile” is not precisely accurate.

“Tibetans have been seeking a greater degree of independence since the People’s Liberation Army invaded the region in 1950…”

A country is either independent or it’s not.  It’s like being pregnant.  A country can have greater or lesser autonomy, which is different from independence.

“The Chinese government has increased security measures in Tibetan regions across western China to prevent any riots on the 50^th anniversary…”

The government wanted to prevent public displays of any kind: peaceful sit-ins, demonstrations, protests, unrest – not just “riots.”

“The Chinese government has increased security measures in Tibetan regions across western China today to prevent any unrest on the 50^th anniversary of the failed 1959 Tibetan uprising.”

The security measures weren’t increased “today.”  An operation this extensive takes several days.  They were increased “for today’s anniversary.”

“This is the first time the Chinese government has acknowledged an official clampdown on Tibetan regions since the 1959 uprising.”

It’s the most detailed acknowledgement this week, not since 1959. 

“Today marks the 50^th anniversary of the date a Tibetan revolt was suppressed by the People’s Liberation Army in 1959.”

It’s the anniversary of the date the uprising began, not the date it was suppressed.

2.    Don’t start a lede with the time element.

“In a speech today, The Dalai Lama accused China of a “brutal crackdown” on the Tibetan people…”

3.    In most cases (in print writing), don’t start a sentence with the attribution.  Give the reader the news first.

Bad: “According to FREELAND.org, “the value of the illegal wildlife trade is estimated at US$10-20 billion annually by some experts”.

Better: “The value of the illegal wildlife trade is estimated at US$10-20 billion annually by some experts,” according to FREELAND.org, an anti-trafficking group.

4.    Correct English:  How to indicate that someone was quoted.

“…trying to collude with their agents in Tibet,” China Daily, China’s official English-language newspaper, quoted him as saying.

  5.    Correct English: Nouns and pronouns have to match.  A government, for example, is an “it,” not a “they.”

Wrong: “The Chinese government’s position is that the Tibetan people have a lot to thank them for because they claim to have improved the Tibetans’ standard of living…”

Correct: “The Chinese government’s position is that the Tibetan people have a lot to thank it for because it claims to have improved the Tibetans’ standard of living…”

6.     Correct English.  Be careful how you write attributions.

 “The Chinese government acknowledged that security forces have increased patrols in central Tibet…according to the State news media reports.”

The acknowledgment wasn’t from the government “according to” the media, the acknowledgment came from the media themselves, speaking for the government.

   7.    Keep it simple.  Avoid unnecessary words.  Cut long, complicated sentences into shorter ones.

Bad: “The Dalai Lama has today given a speech accusing China of a “brutal crackdown…”

Better: “The Dalai Lama today accused China of…”

Bad: “She believed if the skin supplier can be taken out of the trade structure, it can affect the supply chain greatly and could take enormous amount of resource and time for the network to operate once again as the suppliers identified in her findings were in this business for over 20 years.”

Better: “Skin suppliers – some of whom have sold tiger pelts for more than 20 years – are key to the trade, Wong said. If taken out of the supply chain, they would be hard to replace.”

In writing, shorter is always better, and this is especially true in news writing, where time, space and the audience’s attention are all limited.  But it takes care and careful editing to say things concisely and clearly.  As the American writer Mark Twain once told a friend: “I wrote you a long letter because I didn’t have time to write you a short one.”

8.    Avoid repetition and redundancy.  It’s confusing, and annoying.

“The Dalai Lama no longer calls for independence, but does call for greater autonomy for the Tibetan people. He says he advocates genuine autonomy for all ethnic Tibetan areas of China, not secession.”

The first and second sentences say essentially the same thing.  Don’t waste space telling readers what you’ve already told them.  It only confuses them.

“This action turned into a revolt against Chinese rule, which the PLA suppressed. The People’s Liberation Army suppressed the uprising and the Dalai Lama fled into exile in India, where he has remained ever since.”

Blind copying of the fact sheet resulted in the same phrase being repeated twice in a row.

“Within two hours after the store’s opening, more than 9000 people had entered the new store and most of them were given limited-edition gifts from the store.”

Better: “Within two hours after the store’s opening, more than 9000 people had entered and most of them were given limited-edition gifts.”

The story was all about the new Apple store. It’s not necessary to keep repeating “the store.”  The reader knows which store you’re referring to.

9.    Avoid using introductory or summary sentences, rather than getting to the point of the story:

Bad lede: Kevin Drew gave a talk today about news reporting and writing before journalism students at Hong Kong University

Better lede: The strength of a journalist’s reporting heavily influences the quality of news writing, Kevin Drew told a group of graduate journalism students this morning at the University of Hong Kong.

Remember, the fact that someone gave a talk is not news.  People give talks all the time.  (If a dog bites a man, it’s not news.  if the MTR runs on time, it’s not news.)  The news is what the person SAID that’s important or interesting to you and me.        

  10.  Failing to adequately support the lede.  Remember the 4-part structure.

Bad: 

Lede: The strength of a journalist’s reporting heavily influences the quality of news writing, Kevin Drew told a group of graduate journalism students this morning at the University of Hong Kong.

2nd graf: Kevin Drew is a professor at the Journalism and Media Studies Centre who recently left full-time daily journalism to teach. He likes to play basketball.

The paragraphs immediately following the lede are supposed to support, explain and amplify it.  Launching immediately into background, unless that background is necessary for the understanding of the story, is bad writing.  In the above case, stopping to tell about Kevin’s background is not important at this point in the story, and just gets in the way of the narrative.

Better:

Lede:
The strength of a journalist’s reporting heavily influences the quality of news writing, Kevin Drew told a group of graduate journalism students this morning at The University of Hong Kong.

Revised 2^nd graf: “I know the quality of my writing will suffer and be greatly limited if I do a poor job of reporting a story,” said Drew, who was greeted by cheers and whistles from the gathering of more than 60 students.

  11.  Correct English: putting periods rather than commas at the end of quotes that are followed by attribution

Bad: “I know the quality of my writing will suffer and be greatly limited if I do a poor job of reporting a story.” He said.

Good: “I know the quality of my writing will suffer and be greatly limited if I do a poor job of reporting a story,” he said.

  12. Slipping away from colorful observation to impose your opinion:

Born in Kabul, Hossaini grew up in Iran. He began to work with Afghan refugees through work with a charity group. Their miserable lives touched him so much that he turned to photography to create a daily record.

It’s not up to you, the reporter, to decide if people’s lives are miserable or not.  And you don’t ever know what’s in another person’s mind.  You can attribute this to Hossaini, however:  HE SAID THAT the misery he saw touched him so much that he turned to photography to create a daily record.

  13. Getting lost in jargon:

Bad: According to the Development Bureau, the plan was included in 2007 under the Ten Major Infrastructure Projects. Since then, the government has invited public engagement in the first two stages spanning four years.

Better: The government formalized plans to build in the northeast New Territories in 2007, and has since invited public feedback.

Story Exercises: APEC report and Sichuan Earthquake

1. Get the facts right. Stick to what you know, and don’t characterize situations inaccurately.

“Residents of urban areas currently comprise 36% of the total population, but this is   set to increase to 56% over the next eight years…”

The fact sheet very clearly said 54%, not 56%. This is pure carelessness which could have serious consequences.

“However, there were rumours of an attempted cover-up by local officials…”

How did a known fact that the officials tried to censor any talk of corruption or carelessness become “rumours of a cover-up”? Just stick to what happened.

“The United Nations estimated that China’s population will grow 13% and reach 1.42 billion by 2020, and the population of urban areas is expected to grow by 54% by that time…”

The U.N. said no such thing.

2. Choose each word carefully.

“Construction problems might have been a factor in the collapse of several schools…”

“Problems” suggests events beyond the control of whoever built the schools, that an accident was involved. The clear implication in this case is that the construction was knowingly shoddy. And there were far more than “several” schools involved, which means “just a few.”

Better: “Poor (or Shoddy or Careless) construction might have been a factor in the collapse of an inordinate number of schools…”

“Leaders meeting at the Asia-Pacific Economic Co-operation forum here this week further suggested that a large increase in the proportion of Chinese living in the cities will force a rethink by policymakers…”

It was the APEC report, not the national ‘”leaders” that suggested this.

3. If you’re writing in the same year that an event took place, you generally do not need to include the year in your copy.

Writing in September 2008: “The school collapses are the most politically sensitive issue after the 7.9-magnitude earthquake jolted western China’s Sichuan province and neighboring provinces on May 12, 2008.”

4. Use datelines, and write them properly. If you’re an SCMP correspondent writing for the SCMP, you don’t need “SCMP” in the dateline.

5. Make sure you are accurately conveying what happened, and make sure you don’t leave out necessary words or explanations. It often only requires an extra word here or there.

“Officials in Beijing and Sichuan have said the force of the quake, measured at a magnitude of 7.9, caused the collapses.”

Better: “Officials in Beijing and Sichuan until now have insisted that the force of the quake alone, measured at a magnitude of 7.9, caused the collapses.

“Recognising that this population explosion will provide significant investment opportunities…”

An average growth rate of 1.4% is not an “explosion.”

“Rapid population growth and steady urbanisation in China will have a significant effect on future mass consumer trends, global economics and agriculture…”

The report said China’s population growth will be THE significant effect. Don’t overstate a situation, but don’t make it weaker than it really is, either.

6. The use of the word “even” as in the sentence below suggests that something unusual has taken place. If in fact it’s a common occurrance, as bribery is in China, then avoid the use of the word. Also, since the bribes were not accepted, it’s inaccurate to say that the parents were “bribed.”

“…officials ordered riot police to break up the protests and even bribed parents with compensation…”

      Better: “…officials ordered riot police to break up protests and offered parents compensation…”

7. Give your readers the news, at the top of the story. 

“The report discusses the magnitude of looming population changes in China…”

Don’t just say a situation was discussed, tell what came out of the discussion.

“Officials in Beijing gave an update yesterday on recovery efforts from the Sichuan earthquake…”

Don’t just say an update was given, tell what the update contained. Let your readers in on the secret.

8. Organize your story so it’s easy for the reader to follow. Make sure you explain facts before going on to new facts. The main points of the earthquake story, in order, were as follows:

a. An official admitted for the first time that poor construction might have caused the inordinate number of school collapses.

b. Until now, central and Sichuan officials have insisted that the force of the quake alone was responsible for the collapses. (Makes it clear why the official’s comments were newsworthy, and why the collapse of any building in such a severe quake is unsual.)

c. Many schools collapsed while buildings around them remained standing. (Explains why the collapses were “inordinate” [meaning beyond expectations] and why the collapses are such a hot political issue.)

9. Choose your verbs carefully.

“Ma confirmed that the government has sent 2,000 experts to the region…”

“To confirm” is to stipulate or demonstrate that a previous statement or fact is accurate. In this case, the official was providing this figure for the first time. He can’t confirm his own statement at the same times he makes it. Ninety-nine out of a hundred times, “he said,” “she said” is the best verb to use.

“Ma noted that the total direct financial loss from the earthquake was $123 billion.”

“To note” is to make a statement that is beyond dispute. This was only an estimate by Ma, as any such figure would be. Ma “estimated” or Ma “said” should be used here.

10. Stick to the point, keep it simple and eliminate extraneous words – especially in the lede.

“A Chinese official acknowledged for the first time yesterday that shoddy construction might have been a factor in the collapse of schools during the May 12 Sichuan earthquake in which more than 88,000 people died or went missing and up to 10,000 students are estimated to have perished.”

The focus of this story is the dead students. The overall death toll is a distraction from that and does not belong in the lede.

11. When the lede is based on what someone said, a full quote is needed to confirm the person’s exact words.